2012 is gone, so I’m not going to worry myself over whether or not I stuck to my grand ideas from a year ago. (Mostly not.) I had made up my mind to not choose one word for this year. I was just going to…I don’t know. Probably do the same things I did last year that didn’t really make me feel great. Realizing that complacency has become my standard emotion made me think that I should plan something. I knew right away what my word for this year should be, but it made me really uncomfortable, so I pretended I was still trying to get it figured out. In case you’re curious, God doesn’t like it when I do that.
I’ve resigned myself to the fact that my word for 2013 needs to be “Open”.
I’m not focusing on food or exercise or any of the other things I’ve pursued in the past. Instead, I’m going to work on opening my heart, home, and mind. I’ve got a project in mind to go along with opening my heart this year (I will write a post on it soon.), but my main target here is my children. I’m not great at cuddling up with the kids to watch a movie or read a book. I’m afraid that I come off as distant and uninterested. I don’t want my kids to think that that’s how I feel about them. I want them to know, without a doubt, that I cherish them.
I started a little something a few months ago that I call “Frienday”. It’s an open house on Fridays for any of my friends who would like to come over and chat. It’s kid-friendly, and I provide coffee and a variety of delicious creamers. It’s helped me to keep my house more presentable, but only about two days a week. This year I want to be able to just extend an open invitation to my friends to stop by when they have time. It will mean I need to be more diligent about keeping things cleaned up. I will have to make a schedule for school and housekeeping and actually follow it. It will also require being able to roll with the punches and deal with change, neither of which sit well in my stomach.
A big challenge for me will be to open my mind up and figure out who I am. I don’t have goals. I’ve lost my passion. Or, it’s possible that playing a certain farming game on a particular social media site is my passion. If that’s the case, all is well.
In all seriousness, I want to be the fun, adventurous, artsy girl I used to be. The one who read The Complete Works of Shakespeare in its entirety (twice) because she couldn’t get enough. Who took pictures of everything, and wrote poetry for fun. Though I know I’m not the 18 year old who dreamed of having photos published in Sports Illustrated anymore, there’s no reason why I shouldn’t have a dream at all.
It’s not like me to be complacent, and I’m tired of it. I hate being afraid of everything. I don’t like worrying over silly things. It’s time to be Open.
***Have you chosen a word for 2013? Set some goals or resolutions? What are your plans for this new year?