I’ve been thinking a lot about what it takes for a girl to become a woman. While I have all of the outward
symptoms requirements (husband, kids, house, etc.), I still feel like a teenage girl. Not a fun, outgoing, self-assured seventeen year old girl, but an awkward, uncertain, anxious thirteen year old girl. It’s obvious to me that age and marital status alone don’t make a woman.
I think that I am hung up on my lacking homemaking skills. If I could just manage to keep the house clean and inviting, maybe I’d finally feel like a woman.
Some days I get so close. Yesterday, for example, I cleaned up the kitchen, hand-washed all the nasty dishes in the sink, made a batch of no-bake cookies, washed and dried all of the adult laundry. I was feeling pretty good about myself until I headed off to bed only to realize that the lightweight blanket for our bed was still in the washing machine, and all we had to replace it was our heavy comforter and warm, fuzzy blanket that we use in the winter.
I know it’s stupid, but in that moment, I just wanted to lie down and cry, to write the day off as a loss.
When will I learn whatever big lesson it is that I am obviously missing?
When will I let myself be happy with the small victories?
What, exactly, will be “enough”?
I don’t know for sure, but I’m working on it. The blanket is drying, and the clothes are put away. The kitchen is still clean. The kids are enjoying the cookies (even though they didn’t quite set up right). I’ve got a pot of coffee, and stubborn determination. I’m ready to take on this house and my phantom of perfection, and I plan to come out with a smile on my face.
***Do you ever feel like you don’t fit into the roles you already hold?
***What are your biggest challenges?
***How do you gauge what is “enough”?